So we’ve hit a bit of stage with our nearly 4-year-old. She started telling lies. It’s not all that often but I’m definitely not a fan. I like to know what’s happened when I ask and now I’m not sure if what I’m being told is true. I don’t like doubting my child.
We had 2 incidents this week. One when the baby fell down 2 steps and she immediately told us her brother had pushed her – actually dad was watching from over the banister out of sight and she had just slipped – no one was in trouble or had even asked for an explanation! So why lie? I don’t understand…
The other incident happened after fetching her from play group. I noticed she was wearing a little ring, I asked whose it was, she said it was playgroups and that she’d found it, so I told her I was taking it back in. She wasn’t happy but I did it anyway. Speaking to her teacher she told me that the ring had indeed been “found” at playgroup and they had asked the group if it was anyones. Jenna the monkey had put up her hand to say it was hers!!
Asking her about it she told me that no one else had put their hand up and she didn’t have one, liked it and so put up her hand! Good logic, just not the right logic! We chatted about it and I could see she knew what she had done was wrong and she got very embarrassed. I asked her to apologise to her teacher and she refused. Much more chatting later I came to the conclusion she was too embarrassed to say sorry. This seems to often be the case.
So we’ve come to a compromise. She has been given 4 ways of “saying sorry” – she can write a letter (with help), she can use her words, she can give a hug or show she’s sorry with her actions (do something for the person).
She’s such a stubborn little thing and forcing her to actually use her words just makes her angry and more insistent that she is not going to do it. I don’t want saying sorry to be something she resents and I’m hoping as she gets older she will learn to deal with the emotion of embarrassment in a better and more positive way.
She’s been learning the power of words (nice ones especially lately – your hair looks lovely, your shoes are my favorite – little suck up) and I suppose this is just another step in the ladder of learning about the impact words can have on others.
Did your kids go through this stage? how did you deal with it? any sorry issues? Advise and suggestions wanted please.