Porkie pies and tall stories

So we’ve hit a bit of stage with our nearly 4-year-old. She started telling lies. It’s not all that often but I’m definitely not a fan. I like to know what’s happened when I ask and now I’m not sure if what I’m being told is true. I don’t like doubting my child.

We had 2 incidents this week.  One when the baby fell down 2 steps and she immediately told us her brother had pushed her – actually dad was watching from over the banister out of sight and she had just slipped – no one was in trouble or had even asked for an explanation! So why lie? I don’t understand…

The other incident happened after fetching her from play group. I noticed she was wearing a little ring, I asked whose it was, she said it was playgroups and that she’d found it, so I told her I was taking it back in.  She wasn’t happy but I did it anyway. Speaking to her teacher she told me that the ring had indeed been “found” at playgroup and they had asked the group if it was anyones.  Jenna the monkey had put up her hand to say it was hers!!

Asking her about it she told me that no one else had put their hand up and she didn’t have one, liked it and so put up her hand! Good logic, just not the right logic! We chatted about it and I could see she knew what she had done was wrong and she got very embarrassed.  I asked her to apologise to her teacher and she refused. Much more chatting later I came to the conclusion she was too embarrassed to say sorry. This seems to often be the case.

So we’ve come to a compromise. She has been given 4 ways of “saying sorry” – she can write a letter (with help), she can use her words, she can give a hug or show she’s sorry with her actions (do something for the person).

She’s such a stubborn little thing and forcing her to actually use her words just makes her angry and more insistent that she is not going to do it. I don’t want saying sorry to be something she resents and I’m hoping as she gets older she will learn to deal with the emotion of embarrassment in a better and more positive way.

She’s been learning the power of words (nice ones especially lately – your hair looks lovely, your shoes are my favorite – little suck up) and I suppose this is just another step in the ladder of learning about the impact words can have on others.

Did your kids go through this stage? how did you deal with it? any sorry issues? Advise and suggestions wanted please.

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5 thoughts on “Porkie pies and tall stories

  1. My almost four-year old is going through this same thing now. Last night, I asked her if she brushed her teeth (simple question, and I was in the bathroom, so I knew she hadn’t yet), and she said yes.

    We’ve been talking to her about it, but I really hope this is a short-lived phase. And I don’t understand it either! Her lies seem to have nothing to do with any consequences. They seem to be lies for the sake of lies…

    If you figure something out, let me know! 🙂

  2. It’s funny cos I’ve been thinking about this recently too.

    My littlest does it still from time to time, she’s 6. Trouble is I always know when she is lying cos she gets this funny look in her eye!! But I know I won’t always be able to tell and it’s important to me that I am able to trust her.

    I had a big chat with her about this last week. I told her that she was not to lie to me under any circumstances. I explained that I do not lie to her because I want to have a relationship with her where we trust each other.

    She was made to apologise to me and to pray and say sorry to God as well. I also got her to pick a sanction which I will use if I find her lying again.

    It’s such a tough issue and I guess it’s part of them testing boundaries and learning what is acceptable and what is not. But I think it’s important that they learn to say sorry and I like your different options. I just think sorry needs to be said cos it makes the child accept responsibility for what they have done. I always make mine say ‘sorry’ and then ask them what they are sorry for. It’s an easy word to say without any meaning behind it.

    Fun times!! Your 3 are very blessed to have such a super mum who cares about this kind of stuff xxx

    • Thanks Nicola, it is a tough one because I always want her to be able to tell me the truth no matter what it is. I just don’t understand the pointless lying, i suppose it is the testing of boundries but it’s just frustrating!
      The sorry thing is really hard too, I don’t want the sorry just to be said to placate me or get out of trouble it has to mean something or else it’s pointless!
      Thanks again!
      xxx

  3. Kerry how blest your children are to have a wise Mum,who cares about true issues in life.
    Your friend Nicola, has shared her experience with you and she too, has the right idea.

    All children down the years have encountered this ( ‘ stories episode’
    To make the little one(s) feel the importance of the situation, is to solicitate their help,
    in a remembering game , give them time, to add something more to their story, in which way, you are not questioning, and even though it might seem time wasted. The fact the
    little one, is contributing, will eventually share the truth with you.

    All parents have a tough job, Prayer for wisdom will be answered.

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